Lullabies
by DiamondsNtheskY
Summary: Long ago she made the wrong choice. If given a second chance, she's determined to get it right. Um insert something witty here because I am terrible at summaries! I can promise angst and smut!
1. Chapter 1

**A/N This is just going to be a two-shot. A little something to help with my writers block for Bloodrayne. The beginning is Jennifer's thoughts but the italicized text in the middle is the song they are dancing to. It's called Lullabies by Yuna. It's totally worth listening to and will help with the mood of this fic. A little angsty compared to my others but let me know what you think :0) **

**Disclaimer: Nothing pertaining to Criminal Minds is mine….. damnit!**

_(She really shouldn't stare, but she's in too deep. She's mesmerized by hips as they sway to the beat. She has no right, because her husband is at home. But memories of those fingers have her craving to do wrong. She's lost in thoughts of alabaster skin. Of beautiful legs that never seem to end. Of supple breast that taste so sweet. Of moans that would come when the woman peaks. She takes one more drink, as she makes up her mind. Tonight she would have her one more time.)_

"Are you alright gumdrop? You seem a little lost in thought" Garcia couldn't help but notice that something had been off with JJ ever since they entered the bar. She thought the woman would have been thrilled being that this is the first time in eight months since the whole gang had gotten together. Not long after JJ's marriage to Will, the blonde had left the BAU to reclaim her position at the pentagon. Garcia had known of the southern detective's distain of the BAU's abysmal hours, but part of her always speculated that the blonde's decision to leave had more to do with the departure of a certain raven haired beauty. Emily's decision to leave was accepted, although disliked by all. But for reasons unknown to the team, JJ took the woman's departure the hardest. For that reason, Penelope can't understand why the blonde seems so grim. A political gathering of some sort, thrown by the Ambassador, had brought Emily back into the states for an extended weekend, and she thought that JJ would be thrilled. "Earth to Jay-bot! What's the deal with you tonight?"

"I'm sorry… what did you say Pen?"

"I was just asking what has you on a different planet right now. You've been staring off into space for like the last ten minutes." Garcia looks over to the direction in which the blonde had been focused, only to see three familiar figures dancing in varying degrees. Reid, very awkwardly; Morgan very enticingly; and even though Penelope is straight she is not afraid to admit that Emily is moving very seductively. "If you want to go dance with them I won't be offended sunshine. I got the Hotch-rocket and Ricky Rossi here to keep me company" The colorful analyst would've been on the dance floor herself, but due to some bedroom acrobatics involving Derek Morgan, the woman was proudly sporting an ankle brace. Gotta love sex injuries!

Jennifer had been entertaining the thought of dancing. But it was not the kind of dancing that should be done around friends. Especially ones who know that you are married, and don't know what kind of dancing she and Emily had once engaged in. "It's not that. I'm sorry I'm a little distracted. I guess I'm just a little shocked that she's here… I mean that we are all here. It's been so long since I've seen everyone at the same time. I think I'm just realizing how much I missed all of this"

She did miss it. She missed working with people who were more her family than colleagues. She missed the pride that came with being on a team with the nation's most elite profilers. She missed the antics and kookiness of Garcia, the rants of Reid, the brotherly love of Morgan, and the unflappable demeanor of Hotch. She even missed the love Rossi had for his highly over priced Italian shoes. Sure she got to hang out with Garcia every now and again, and Reid would sometimes drop by to play with Henry, but it wasn't the same. Most of all, more than anything she missed Emily.

It was true that Will hated her job and often it was the cause of many fights between them. She told the team that it was the hours he disliked, but in truth her job made him feel less like a man. Often he would say that she should be the one at home, not him. He didn't take well to not being the "bread winner." She fought him tooth and nail because something always kept her there. That something was Emily. When Emily left she took her heart; she took her fight, and again, she let Will win.

As the night creep on, the laughs continued to flow as the group got acquainted again. JJ and Emily would share a few shy glances but kept conversation light, as if they were merely old friends. Soon seven turned to four as Hotch, Rossi, and Reid took their leave.

"Well, I think it's time I took my babygirl home. " Morgan stood and helped Penelope to her feet. He then gave both JJ and Emily hugs "Don't be a stranger Jayje! Prentiss we still on for Sunday?"

"Of course Morgan… I hope you're ready. You might have gotten a little soft without me around to kick your ass!"

"Yeah right Princess. I'll see you In the ring!" With that he and Garcia said their goodbyes which just left Jennifer and Emily.

Neither woman had spoken much throughout the night, but somehow they both knew that this is how this gathering would end. Each was waiting for the rest to leave, both wanting a moment for just the two of them. Both sat in silence for long moments sipping their drinks. Neither knew what to say, but neither made a move the leave. Finally the blonde stood and for a moment Emily looked dismayed, until the younger woman extended her hand.

"You danced with everyone else. I was hoping that you were saving me for last"

Emily simply smiled as she took the blondes hand. She was expecting anger, she was expecting some sort of animosity, but she was not expecting this. The two women made their way to a nearly empty dance floor, and like magnets their bodies took familiar positions. The music was slow, sultry, and was exactly what JJ wanted, but exactly what Emily feared. The blondes arms wrapped around the brunettes neck. Emily's hands fell instinctively to the small of JJ's back. Not a slither of space remained between them as the swayed in perfect synchronization to each other and the beat. As the lyrics seeped into their consciousness, both were overcome with emotions that they'd had been to cowardice to express.

_Like lullabies you are forever in my mind_

_I see you in all the pieces of my life_

_Though you aren't mine_

_You are my first love_

"You never said goodbye" Jennifer whispered into Emily's ear

_I wanted to run away with you_

"I didn't know how, I didn't know what to say"

_And I will leave all my troubles here_

"I came back, and you were gone. You should have said something. Anything!"

_I wanted to run away with you_

"I didn't want to ruin your honeymoon" The words came out harsher than Emily intended, but she couldn't help it. She watched the only person she ever loved marry someone else. She really didn't owe her anything. "What difference would it have made, Jennifer?"

_And I will bring all my dreams and fears_

The blonde shuddered at the way the older woman said her name "You didn't give me a chance to change your mind. You didn't give me the chance to ask you to stay. You broke my heart when you left"

_Like lullabies you are forever in my mind_

_I see you in all the pieces of my life_

_Though you aren't mine_

_You are my first love_

The older woman tensed at the blonde's words "That's not fair… you broke my heart everyday"

Emily was right. It wasn't fair that she had to remain JJ's secret. It wasn't fair that she had been there throughout the blonde's pregnancy, when the detective decided that he couldn't handle being a father. It wasn't fair that he had showed up on Henry's first birthday as 'a changed man' and everyone oohed and aahed at his sudden chivalrous display. It definitely wasn't fair when, in front of friends and family, JJ agreed to give him another chance; silently turning to Emily and mouthing 'sorry'

Jennifer had no words because she knew she was wrong. This woman had been there for her and her son. This woman had loved her fiercely, and did it discreetly all because of the blondes fear. JJ knew she had hurt Emily so badly each time she told her parents that she was just a friend, and she knew she crushed the woman when she publically took Will back again. Truthfully she doesn't know why Emily is even allowing her this moment. For two more years Emily bared their secret and endured Wills presence. The moment JJ agreed to marry him; she knew she had finally pushed Emily away. She shouldn't be allowed to be this close to the woman who she loved more than anything. She didn't deserve this moment, but she was going to make the most of it

_I wanted to start again with you_

"I broke my own heart too. I regret every move I've ever made since that day" She shifts slightly so that she can rest her forehead against the brunettes. "I should have never let my fear get in the way"

_And I will leave all my worries here_

"The past is the past JJ. There's nothing we can do now"

_I wanted only you_

But there is something she could do. Right here, right now in this moment she could do what she should have done long ago. She could leave her sham of a marriage to the drunken possessive detective. She could grow up and not fear what the people of small town Pennsylvania would say. She could make herself and Henry happy, whom always asks for his 'Em'ly' anyways

_I know that I fell for you_

She kisses the brunette, and although she can tell that Emily is shocked, she is happy that the woman returns it. Their lips are on autopilot. Familiar and sensuous and everything anyone could dream, but comparable to nothing. Both women felt as though they were falling over and over again. Neither wanted anyone to catch them. Only when their lungs screamed for air did they part, but they were still so close that they were sharing breath. Jennifer knew exactly what she wanted and tonight she was going to get it.

"I shattered our past, but I will fix our future." With one final kiss JJ leads Emily out of the bar.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N This time the thoughts in the beginning are Emily's. No lyrics throughout the chapter, but it's definitely inspired by The Harder They Come by Paul Oakenfold ft. Nelly Furtado**

_(I thought love was not for me. I thought lovers dreamed things that I don't dream. I thought I'd never again kiss lips so sweet. I thought never again would I ever feel complete)_

"I love you" Emily's words were laden with so many emotions. Passion, happiness, and relief were amongst a few. Honestly she never thought she'd utter those words again.

"I love you too" Could barely be heard from the beautiful blonde beneath her. Tears of joy steamed from brown eyes as they stared into darkening blue. Emily's heart raced because as she looked to the woman all she could see was truth. There was no trepidation, no fear, just unbridled love, lust and the promise of future. And for the first time, in a really long time, Emily felt whole.

The older woman kissed the blonde deeply, her tongue seeking entrance and immediately being let in. No fight for dominance as the women moved together fluidly. Soft hands explored endless amounts of soft supple skin. Emily was almost reluctant to leave the mouth of the writhing blonde, but her lips ached to taste the wetness that was met by her hand. Slowly her lips traveled between beautiful breasts, only veering direction momentarily to give attention to each of the woman's erect nipples. The brunette then resumed her downward journey, enjoying the moans that echoed throughout the bedroom as she lightly bit the skin of a toned abdomen. Both women were eager but Emily still took her time. She strayed from her direct path again to run her tongue and teeth teasingly up her lover's inner thigh, and possessively left a mark on the over sensitive skin. Finally, FINALLY, she ran her tongue from the woman's opening to her aching clit. As the younger woman shuddered Emily couldn't help but feel as if she was home again.

She was lost in the taste of arousal, in the feeling of quivering thighs, and in the sensation of fingers clenching in her hair. It was an overload of physical and emotional bliss that had her in a much missed state of happiness. She wanted to be in this moment forever, and somehow she knew that she'd never be without this again. The blonde was so close, so very very close to the razors edge. Emily had mercy on the woman and sunk two fingers into her wanting center, curling them in that perfect way that would send the woman to her release. The younger woman screamed, and mumbled in unrecognizable words that couldn't be deciphered by Emily's multi-lingual palate. But still she worked the blue eyed angels core, licking up her rewards until she had managed to cause the woman to cum again.

Emily would have been perfectly happy to stay in that perfect haven nestled between heavenly legs, but the younger woman had other ideas. The blonde, with much effort due to her trebling limbs, tugged the brunette upwards in hopes of kissing the lips that just caused fireworks to explode within her.

The younger woman moaned at the taste of herself on Emily's lips and using what little energy she had left, she rolled the woman over so that she could now look down upon the woman who she had so deeply missed.

"I missed you so much when you were gone" The blonde says as she rests her head on the brunette's chest.

Emily wraps her arms around the woman protectively, almost as if she feared the blonde would disappear if she didn't. "I missed you too. I missed this" Emily couldn't hide the emotion in her voice and the younger woman noticed. She could sense that something weighed on the brown eyed woman and she had an idea exactly what that weight was.

"I'm glad you are home. How was your trip?"

Emily stiffened momentarily as she thought about her trip to DC and all that had happened. But then she smiled and placed a kiss on the blonde's head before responding "It was good. It was…. Enlightening"

Emma lifted her head and rose an eyebrow at her girlfriends response, sensing there was more to the story than her trip being 'enlightening' "Care to elaborate on that darling?"

Emily laughed. She knew that her answer wouldn't suffice the feisty woman in her arms. Emma knew her in ways that she'd never thought was possible after what happened with JJ, and she knew she wouldn't get away with the generalized description of her weekend in the U.S.

"Well my mother was the same as always… annoying and disapproving of everything that I had brought to wear. Of course that led to a much despised shopping trip. She brought you something back from her trip to Africa but wants to give it to you personally. She says she can't wait to see you over the holiday."

"Aww how sweet, I really love you mum"

Emily snorts because never in a million years did she think that her mother would approve of her significant other. But for some reason she adored Emma. "I'm sure you do. I actually think she likes you more than she likes me." They both giggle and Emily resumes her details of her trip. "It was good to see my old team again. Garcia and Morgan finally got together. We actually sparred a little on Sunday but I had to go easy on him because Garcia threatened to erase my entire existence if I did any damage to his 'magic stick'. Hotch actually smiles, which I must say is kind of weird. Reid loved the books that I brought for him, and Rossi and Strauss are still doing it." Emily shuddered a little at that last little factoid.

Emma couldn't help but notice that Emily had left out one particular name "And did you see her?"

The older woman looked into blue eyes and for the first time since she started dating Emma she saw a flicker of fear. She thought back to that night, and what had happened after they had left the bar.

'_JJ wait. Just wait.' Jennifer paused and turned to look at the woman she had practically dragged out of the door. 'This is not going to happen. I can't… I won't go down this road again.'_

_The blonde looked hurt and confused. She almost couldn't believe what Emily was saying. Not after the dance they just shared. Not after the way they just kissed. Jennifer thought that this was her chance to get back everything that she had lost… No, everything she had thrown away. But the look in Emily's eyes told her that she had the wrong idea 'What do you mean? I thought that this is what you wanted! I'm right here Emily, I'm ready to give you what you want. I'm ready to give you what you had given me'_

_Emily's heart clenched at the blonde's words. Had this been a year ago, hell maybe even six months ago, she would have taken the woman in her arms and into her bed and back into her heart without a single question. But that was then, and this is now. And now Emily had found someone who had pieced back together her broken pieces. 'I did want this JJ. I wanted you. But you didn't want me. You wanted easy, you wanted safe, you wanted the image of a life that didn't include me'_

_Tears flowed freely from blue eyes. The word "wanted" reverberated in her head. She hated that it was past tense. She hated that she was foolish enough to let this woman get away. She hated that deep down she knew she had no chance of getting this woman back. Still she tried; she wouldn't back down without a fight 'What about that kiss Emily? That kiss didn't tell me that this is over'_

_The brunette sighed. She knew she shouldn't have let the kiss continue as soon as it had started. But she needed to be sure herself that she had moved on. She had no intentions of leading the woman on, but she wasn't the one who initiated it. 'I'm sorry that I gave you the wrong impression Jennifer, but that kiss wasn't a new begging for us, it was the end.' She pauses as the words and feelings not only sink in for the blonde, but for herself. She never thought that she'd get over this woman that had her heart and broke it. She never thought that love would give her a second chance. 'I wanted you so badly JJ. I wanted you so badly that I let you crush me. And even after you ripped me apart I waited. I waited and waited hoping that one day you would realize that you wanted me more than you wanted… easy. I made the wrong choice for so long JJ. I let myself get lost waiting for the day that you would find me. Then you married him and I knew that I couldn't sit around anymore and pretend to be your friend, pretend to be ok, pretend like I wasn't fading. I had to get away, and it was so hard to get you out of my system. For far too long everything was about you, until one day someone found me. '_

_JJ felt a though she was dying. Every word Emily spoke was truth, and she didn't know if the fact that she had destroyed this woman, or the fact that she had moved on, hurt her more. She wanted to run away from this conversation, but she knew that Emily deserved the chance to tell her how much she hurt her. And she deserved the pain that came with hearing Emily found someone else._

'_You taught me how to love JJ, and I will forever be grateful for that. But I've found someone who taught me that real love is given back. Not in secret, and not until something easier comes along. I shouldn't have let you kiss me… I shouldn't have kissed you back. But it helped me realize that it's not you holding my heart anymore JJ. I'm in love with someone else, and she truly loves me '_

'_So that's it. You are going to leave again, and I'll never get a second chance?'_

'_I gave you several chances JJ and you never tried. I'm not going to pass on mine. I found love again JJ, and because of her I can finally say goodbye'_

"I'm sorry that I kissed her" Emily says as she wipes tears from Emma's eyes

"Is it weird if I say that I'm not?" the beautiful woman kind of chuckles at Emily's questioning expression as she tries to stop crying long enough to explain why "Don't get me wrong, I despise that someone else had their lips on you, however, I'm happy that you got closure. It scared me that you had never even spoken to her again. I always feared that I was on borrowed time. I couldn't help but think that one day you two would find your way back to each other. It may seem selfish but I often thanked the heavens that she had yet to try." Emma leaned down and placed a gentle kiss on the brunette's lips. Once again she rested her head on the older woman's chest as she let the sense of happiness and relief wash over her. She had spent each night the woman was away clinging to her pillow absorbing the lingering remnants of the woman's scent. She knew that Emily loved her, but she feared that she loved JJ more. She wondered if the woman would return to her. The realization that Emily was now truly and completely hers made her absolutely giddy, and she smiled happily at the fact that JJ had been an idiot.

Emily smiled as the woman settled on top her; tears streamed down her own cheeks as she finally felt free. She couldn't believe that she had chosen to stay broken for so long. She couldn't believe that love had given her the chance to be whole again. And she couldn't believe that this beautiful blue eyed woman feared that she would turn from her if JJ ever tried again. Jennifer had truly taught Emily how to love, and Emily had learned that love doesn't always take the easy path. Fortunately for her, that path led her to Emma.

**A/N I know that was cruel but to be fair I only promised angst and smut…. I didn't promise that it would be with JJ. So I guess you figured out that the summary was about Emily's choice and second chance, not JJ's (I was trying to be sneaky and clever ) for the record I am a one hundred and fifty percent Jemily shipper. However, if Emily were to every be with anyone else, In my mind it would be January Jones' version of Emma Frost. And I guess Emily will always have a thing for blonde hair, blue eyed hotties!**


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